Addictions…..and...emotional eating.....

As I was reading a post on Forbes Woman…..this made so much sense to me!

“The scientific community’sunderstanding of addiction has changed a lot in the last couple of decades.Where addiction used to be thought of as a substance abuse problem, researchersnow realize that it’s really a “bio-behavioral” phenomenon. They’ve discoveredthat not only can you get addicted to substances with no real addictiveproperties (like marijuana), but you can become addicted to plain oldbehaviors, like gambling, sex, exercising, and even eating…”

Yeah that is me….I have struggled and struggled…my problems with the Eat To Live plan are not because I am hungry, actually I am NEVER hungry…it is the emotional eating that I am addicted to and what I struggle with so much! I want to leave emotional eating behind….but…

I am fine until there is an issue with my life, if I get anxious, scared, sad or lonely I want to eat…not just nibble carrots, but have my comfort foods…I am not a cookie or ice cream binger, I want food like Famous Dave’s, Pizza Hut, Texas Roadhouse or the Imperial Buffett (Chinese) just around the corner from my house…

This addiction always satisfies, I always feel better emotionally….and just like all addictions, if I keep going on this way, I will suffer negative consequences….I won’t lose weight, I will increase my chances of diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a host of other health issues….

One if the hardest things in my life has been the feeling of being out of control with food. The Eat To Live plan has changed all of that….because of the plant based diet, I am not longer out of control on a daily basis, but just as I described above, when I start having issues, I start craving emotional comfort….

I have some overcoming emotional eating tapes….I want to listen to those….

But last night I threw caution to the wind and we went out for Chinese food and it was WONDERFUL……..

Day 7........hit a WALL.........

Please take pity on me and show me your love and concern…..

I am hiding in my cubby thoroughly victimized and heartsick!!! There are sandwich fixings in the break room!!! I am not hungry BUT I WANT TO EAT THEM!!!

I have had the WORST 24 hours!

So far I have written about how wonderful, AWESOME and MIRACULOUS the ‘Eat to Live’ plan is!

It has been all rainbows and unicorns….

LAST NIGHT it wasn’t!

YOU can’t overcome emotional eating in a week and NEITHER can I!

It is obvious that I am an emotional eater…food soothes me….or rather I trained myself to let food soothe me…

There are those people who deal with their stress in other ways than eating….sometimes their ways are not healthy either……. 

When you use food for comfort, it shows.

I have had a pretty easy go of so far…no cravings, no desire to emotionally eat…

THEN last night I hit the WALL!  It had been a terribly anxious day at work, 2 co-workers were fired, friends of mine from my own team....

No matter how hard you work here, you have to have the numbers and my friends just didn’t..... a lot of us struggle to get the numbers…I am usually okay with mine, but this environment is so frightening at times…the constant concern, the fear, “is this the day that they tire of me and my numbers?”     

By the time I got home I was a nervous wreck……the cravings started about a half an hour before I left work, I was being pulled by a heavy-duty magnet to the vending machine for crackers, cookies, a BEAR CLAW!

I resisted, but again by the time I got home I was struggling. I wanted a Maverick Bahama Mama hot dog, kettle chips and a Pepsi, a far cry away from the plant based diet that I had been eating….I laid on my bed and the urge was so strong to give in….

I wasn’t hungry, but that is NOT the point and NEVER is to an emotional eater….I KNEW THAT THE Bahama Mama hot dog, kettle chips and a Pepsi would make me feel better! I can’t explain it, but it really does…..

But that is unhealthy, I resisted the urge.....

I remembered talking with my counselor as he asked me what the other people around me did to deal with stress…the ones that aren’t overweight…and so I went and played an hour of Plants vs. Zombies….the game distracted me, I was able to go to sleep later and the urgings passed with the dark (kinda)….PHEW!!!

Day 3.....after an evening meltdown....

Day 3....

My son had a friend spending the night last night and they requested pizza for dinner....now in a perfect world I would have whipped up some scintillating style of plant based pizza that rivaled Little Caesar's in perfection...but no can do....maybe Sara could have worked it out....but I couldn't.

...having Little Caesar's ham and pineapple pizza in the house caused Winter and I to have one huge meltdown, she was near tears and I hid in the bathroom.....but I didn't have any pizza....instead I was introspective on why I was so upset....

I realized that whole 'food-is-a-pacifier' thing was happening again and I just stayed away from the pizza...

Now as I am almost done with Day 3.....

I have a lot to think about...

...remember that heartburn? Gone... still haven't had even a hint of heartburn....remember please, that I dealt with nearly daily heartburn for years and years.... 

Another thing...I have these little water balloon rings around my ankles....well...I did...I have watched these puffy rings get smaller and smaller the last 3 days...

3 days! In just 3 DAYS, I have seen astounding changes in my physical body....the fact that my heartburn has not made a presence is just WOW!....

For today's breakfast we had melons, strawberries and my fave sunflower seeds... it is so fascinating to me that I can love something for breakfast so much! I am so used to egg, ham n cheese style sandwich's for breakfast...just look at the difference!

Lunch was pizza, not Little Caesar's mind you, but a beautiful rendition with a whole wheat tortilla, tomato paste, mushrooms, broccoli and non-dairy cheese. Included was a salad with romaine, mandarin oranges, onion, sunflower seeds and walnuts.....topped by a blueberry dressing, it was very tasty! REALLY!!!

Dinner was  lasagna with long zucchini slices instead of noodles, tofu instead of cheese....believe me when I say that I could have eaten a pan full, and you know what, since it is plant based, I could have, but instead I sit here nicely full and content.

As I end this day, I actually have hope that this is a way to change my life and health for the better, this just might actually work for me.....

I am excited.....because doing what I have been doing was not taking me to a place of health.....at 51 years old, 275 pounds, I was probably taking years off my life everyday.....and that is something to really really ponder.....

End of Day 1........

Earlier this afternoon, I went to the Dr. I have had a nasty summer cold since the weekend, I got checked out, but also I got weighed, 275, not quite the 280 that I thought that I was up to, but that means that I have gained 15 pounds since Christmas (and the start of the sitting at a desk full-time job)....

During the ride to and from the Dr's at every turn I was accosted with fast-food restaurants and also accosted with desires to stop and partake!

I had never realized how HUGE a part of my life fast food had become...... 

I remember thinking that I might save LOTS of money following this plan and learning to eat this way for life....

At the end of the first day I find myself wanting to sneak a tootsie roll.....but I haven't...

The big question now is, who is going to shop on a regular basis for the food and prepare it when we are all so busy!?

Stay tuned, more to come in the following days.............

Day 1...........

Though today is really not 'Day 1' of my being 'unpaused'...

it is just that today holds significance for me...over the weekend I have come to some really deep revelations about my life.

"What I have been doing is not going to get me to where I want to be."

This statement holds true in most every aspect of my life, physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual.

#1. The job I do is not for me. Being given a formal written reprimand in my personnel file on Thursday proved that. I have been asking myself the question every day, "Can I learn to just get along with this job?", Thursday showed me, "NO"!

#2. Sara has talked me into a new way of eating, I have been scared to death of it, but today was my first day. My weight is a battle that I have been fighting for about 20 years....Once Hope asked me when I would accept and admit that what I was doing to resolve me weight issue wasn't working. Well today I admit it, I still sit here at most likely 280, nearly the same weight as before my surgery, and I am still 'using' food for comfort and still eating to de-stress or feel better. I have a quote on my phone that reminds me that "If hunger isn't the problem, eating is NOT the solution".  

'Eat to Live' by Joel Fuhram

Many times I just blow right through that saying and eat my guts out. It is time to reacquaint my body to what food is actually for............

.............Hence Day 1.

Breakfast was wonderful, a 
huge container of chunked oranges, strawberries and melon, there was a little container of salted sunflower seeds to sprinkle on the fruit, which I did after I had eaten about half of it. I am way full..... It was beautiful to look at and very yummy, very pleasing....I couldn't have done this on my own.... Sara and Winter worked for about 4 hours yesterday shopping, chunking, dividing and making meals for all of us.....here is how they made my breakfast and lunch....
 

so well....meal one, day one...


Here is a picture of my lunch!

This will be meal 2 day 1....


I am a little frightened about making such a radical change, I am frighted about failing and not being able to stick with this plant based diet for 6 weeks.....
I am excited to deox my body and do good things for myself, I am excited at the prospect of finally finding a way to eat and live and not be 280 pounds....


I am excited that my 2 daughters love me enough to do this for me.....if between my emotional upheaval over my life and job I had to make all of this happen, I can tell you that it wouldn't.....and I would still be stuck trying to make something happen for myself the easy way....