It wasn’t supposed to work out this way…..

It wasn’t supposed to work out this way…I thought it would turn out different.

I thought that I would work for a COMPANY THAT TRUSTED ME, a company that valued me as an employee, where I was more than an employee AND part of a team, part of a pro-active close knit team that made things happen.

Instead I am a drone, no name, no face, anxious every time I am not where I ‘should’ be, not doing what I ‘should’ be and not producing what I ‘should’ be.

I have skills, I have talent, but neither of these are valued by my current employer.

It wasn’t supposed to work out this way. …and today that is really, really frustrating!

Addictions…..and...emotional eating.....

As I was reading a post on Forbes Woman…..this made so much sense to me!

“The scientific community’sunderstanding of addiction has changed a lot in the last couple of decades.Where addiction used to be thought of as a substance abuse problem, researchersnow realize that it’s really a “bio-behavioral” phenomenon. They’ve discoveredthat not only can you get addicted to substances with no real addictiveproperties (like marijuana), but you can become addicted to plain oldbehaviors, like gambling, sex, exercising, and even eating…”

Yeah that is me….I have struggled and struggled…my problems with the Eat To Live plan are not because I am hungry, actually I am NEVER hungry…it is the emotional eating that I am addicted to and what I struggle with so much! I want to leave emotional eating behind….but…

I am fine until there is an issue with my life, if I get anxious, scared, sad or lonely I want to eat…not just nibble carrots, but have my comfort foods…I am not a cookie or ice cream binger, I want food like Famous Dave’s, Pizza Hut, Texas Roadhouse or the Imperial Buffett (Chinese) just around the corner from my house…

This addiction always satisfies, I always feel better emotionally….and just like all addictions, if I keep going on this way, I will suffer negative consequences….I won’t lose weight, I will increase my chances of diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a host of other health issues….

One if the hardest things in my life has been the feeling of being out of control with food. The Eat To Live plan has changed all of that….because of the plant based diet, I am not longer out of control on a daily basis, but just as I described above, when I start having issues, I start craving emotional comfort….

I have some overcoming emotional eating tapes….I want to listen to those….

But last night I threw caution to the wind and we went out for Chinese food and it was WONDERFUL……..

It is a NAIL BITER OF A DAY........

How many times can one person check their email? How many times can I check my phone......it is a nail biter of a day! 

Job searching is hard enough, job searching when you are a 51 year old woman is even worse!

I do everything that I know to possibly do!

    ·         I have 24 different resumes as I tailor resumes to     each individual position

·         I utilize my college’s career services department to fine tune my resumes, cover letters and interview techniques

·         I call or email to touch-base when my resume is sent

·         I have practiced the interview questions over and over again

·         I have polished my ‘tell us about yourself’ statement until I am a memorable and interesting ‘interviewee’.

·         I send Thank you notes after the interview

What more can I do?

I don’t know…I did consider sending chocolate covered strawberries with my last personalized thank-you card, but, decided against that when a quick Google search revealed that to be inappropriate.

So instead I sit here and wait… I was as prepared as a job seeker has ever been…

I rocked the 1^st interview, rocked the ‘screened’ interview with the HR director flown into town to screen the interviewees and when ‘rocked’, to send us onto the 3^rd interview. That was where I was awesome too…but what it all comes down to is this: 'Does he want me to be his right hand person?' Was there enough of a connection that we ‘clicked’? I made him laugh, he gave me loads of compliments, but we did NOT click as much as I wanted.

Never mind that he would probably not click with Gandhi on the first meeting! It is not that he was hard to connect with; just that he is a polished, reserved business man. Maybe I have too much enthusiasm for him; I don’t know….I was my best self, that is all I could have done.

So I wait…….

If I get the rejection email or phone call, I do know this: A global company was impressed enough with my skills, talents and experiences to interview me along with 6-7 others out of 100-150 applicants.  This gives me a LOT of confidence to keep looking for a good, solid position. It gives me a lot of confidence that I have the skills, talents and experiences that good, solid companies are looking for. 

And it will give me time to come up with the answer to the questions: ‘Compare your last 2 supervisors’ (I did well at this question)  and   ‘Tell me a time when you took a risk’.